The Hodgepodge: Thomas and Gianna's Blog

Katie and I are Martha Stewart Incarnate

2011-11-22T17:13:00.000-08:00

Caramel apples, what a fun and enjoyable activity! Let's start by boiling the apples for a few seconds to take the wax off.

Hmmm, that's weird. This apple seems to be oozing a some sort of strange red apple pus! And the other apples have become partially cooked! Whoops! I'm sure the rest of this project will turn out just fine.

Well, the sugar for the caramel is taking a LOOOONG time to dissolve. Let's just turn the heat up...OK, just turn it up for a few minutes more...Another few minutes ought to do it.

Hooray! The sugar has dissolved and now we boil until it turns the "medium brown" indicated by the recipe. But it also says it could burn if you leave it in a second too long! Fun! Does that look medium brown to you? Yes? I'm not sure, but I don't want to burn it, so let's take it off the heat.

How perplexing! The caramel isn't sticking to the apple! Let's put the caramel back on the heat to thicken it. Hmmm, does that look thick enough to you? I think it could use a little more heat. (Fingers drumming on the counter.) OK, let's try this again.

Wow! The caramel is really thick and difficult to manage! Let's spin it slowly over the pot until are hands are cramping and it stops dripping. What's that, some got on your hand and it caused a blister? That's great! Only five more apples to go!

The caramel is getting a little hard, let's put it back on the heat so we can work it better. That's strange, the heat is making the caramel too hard and it now won't stick to any of the apples. I guess, we'll just pour it out and eat it separately.

Yum, tear off a piece and try it! Oh, it won't come apart, and pieces of foil are stuck in it. You don't want to eat it because you're afraid it will rip out your fillings? No problem! We still have those delicious apples! They're cool now, so let's coat them in chocolate.

Whoops! Left the chocolate in the microwave too long and it burned through the plastic container and spilled all over the microwave. Luckily we've already coated most of them.

Don't they look delicious? I'll just cut you a slice. Hmmm, I'm having trouble getting through the tough caramel layer. It's as hard as a rock! Delightful! Now that I've managed to hack through the caramel crust, all the coating has broken off of the apples. Great! Just what I wanted to happen! Well, I'm just a little tuckered out, since we've been working on this project for the past three hours. I'm going to bed, feel free to throw these apple bricks in the trash because I don't even want to look at them any more. Here's the super fun recipe if anyone else wants to try this project at home!

This and That

2010-12-10T19:29:00.000-08:00

I guess my blog has become about my students. Do I need to apologize? Am I an annoying mommy blogger, but even worse because the children I'm writing about aren't even mine? While I ponder this question, I will leave you with more nuggets of joy. (Oh, and just to be clear, I'm not annoyed about people blogging about their kids. I love children and I intend to bare and blog them someday. I just mean that some people do find it irritating, and that's what I'm referring to.)

* I was proofreading the paper of a girl who can't spell all that well yet. She was discussing Christmas and had tried to write the word "wraps" multiple times. But she misspelled it. What did she spell, you ask? Rapes.

* Boys near my desk are giggling instead of working. I fix them with one of my vast array of disapproving teacher looks (I'm told it's quite scary) and one responds, "Oh sorry, we're just making inside-out jokes."

* A few minutes later the same boys were fighting over a slip of paper I had given them containing list of words for a spelling assignment. They complained to me, and since we learned about King Solomon recently in Primary, I told them to "cut the baby in half." They stared in horror for a moment, and then started making their "inside-out jokes" about this comment for the rest of the period. "Look Mrs. Hodge, we took out its brain. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Probably a bad move on my part.

* Direct quote from an 8th grade boy: "On Man vs. Wild he has to drink his own pee. I have always wondered what it tasted like. When I was little, I was tempted every time I went to the bathroom."

* One of my student's life goal is to be Lady Gaga's hairstylist.

* One day an 8th grade girl wore green vampire teeth to class. These teeth made her speech impossible to understand, yet she kept attempting to ask questions and offering to read sections of the class novel aloud. I told her she was welcome to participate once she de-fanged, but she refused, so every time she raised her hand I pretended like she was invisible. After about 30 minutes, she took them out. Me: 1. 8th Grade Girl: 0

Question and Answer

2010-12-01T21:33:00.000-08:00

I asked my sixth graders to respond to the following prompt:

Are TV and movies different from real life? Does TV ever "trick" us or change the way we think about the world?

This earnest little response was my favorite:

I think movies can trick us by telling us who people are when there actually not. For example a movie could show a buch of of teenagers being totally crazy and rude and 15 year old women getting pregnet all the time and alot of other gross stuff. Although most teenagers are actually nice and kind and getting jobs at Mcdonalds. I am going to be a teenager one day and I hope nobody sees me as one of the teenagers on television becase I am not going to be one.

From the Mouths of Babes

2010-11-28T16:24:00.000-08:00

* I can't tell you how many times something like this has happened. A history class is held in my room during my prep period. The teacher was trying to get the students to guess the word "polytheism" in reference to ancient Greek religion. They were having a hard time, so she hinted that the word started with "poly." Immediately a hand shot up and a girl shouted, "Polygamists!"

* My students were reading some information about the circus for an assignment. The essay mentioned that certain acts at the circus weren't as common any more due to animal rights. A girl near me exclaimed, "Oh sad!" and then surprised me by finishing her thought with, "Animals shouldn't have rights...except dogs." She then realized what she had said was either funny or profound (I do not hold all of the mysteries to the 6th-grade mind), and she repeated it to everyone sitting around her.

* On Halloween I was reading scary stories to my 8th graders. Many of them wanted to tell their own, and one girl decided to be a total downer by mentioning this horrible story about a little girl getting molested. I tried to move on as soon as I got the gist of what the story was about, but one confused student loudly asked, "What's molested?" All eyes went immediately to shoes or ceiling tiles, and I plunged into another story in hopes of changing the subject.

Not to be deterred, the student persistently asked his question, and I attempted to drown out his loud queries with my story telling. Fellow students told him things like, "Ask your parents," to get him to be quiet, and I finally said, "Look it up," as many students lose their curiosity once they are threatened with actual work.

I thought this would be the end of things, but no, a few minutes later I see the student rifling through a dictionary. He studies if for a few moments before asking, "How do you spell it?" This was just too much for me. I start laughing uncontrollably and told him through giggles to "Sound it out." Finally, one student decided he could take no more of this situation and shouted, with much exasperation, "IT MEANS SEXUALLY ABUSING!" This, mercifully, ended the first student's quest for knowledge, and he did not ask for further clarification.

Iran so far away...

2010-10-11T18:26:00.000-07:00

Today in 8th grade grammar there was a sentence about the Middle East. The following conversation ensued:

Student: Wait, what's the deal with Iran and Iraq? What the difference? I don't get it.

Me: I'm a little confused as to what you're asking. Those are just the names of the different countries.

Student: They're two different countries?!

A Tad Bit Unseemly

2010-10-04T10:30:00.000-07:00

Considering knitting is normally the hobby of very proper old ladies, I was very surprised to come across this term while researching patterns.

P.S. This is what I'm knitting now. Merry Christmas Lucas!

P.P.S. I wanted to spell the title "unseamly" to make a knitting pun, but then I realized no one would get it. Sigh...

D.A.R.E.

2010-09-27T20:43:00.000-07:00

Perhaps you remember my post about the troublesome spelling program at my school. I love the program, but it requires me to break words into syllables, which sometimes forces me to swear in front of a room full of twelve-year-olds (think: association). This year's sixth graders are more quick on the uptake than last years--and just forget about the 8th graders--so needless to say, my classes have been stricken by a pandemic of giggling. Unfortunately, this problem caused today's 6th grade spelling lesson to take and unexpected and unpleasant turn.

Me: The word is method, meth od.

Girl: What's meth?

M: Ummm, it's a very, very, very bad drug.

Boy: What's it do to you?

M: Well...it makes your teeth fall out and it makes you go crazy. It also kills lots of people because it causes fire and explosions when you make it.

Boy: But if it's so bad, why do people make it?

Boy's neighbor: Because they make money for it!

Boy: (Not satisfied with this answer.) But it's so bad!

M: People probably do it because they don't think they will get caught. Have you ever done something bad because you didn't think you'd get in trouble for it?

Boy: (Face screwed up in concentration) I guess...

Different Girl: I heard it's made out of cleaning supplies.

M: Yes, I think so. It's also made out of cough syrup and other chemicals; that's why it's so bad for you. It's poison.

Different Boy: Yuck! I bet it tastes disgusting! Why would you ever eat it?

M: I don't think you actually eat it.

*A More Different Boy: So what is it? A powder? A pill?

M: (Suddenly alarmed at the last question and the direction of the conversation in general.) I'm not quite sure. (This is a lie. I'm pretty sure it is a powder that is heated and smoked...or injected?...ok maybe I don't know.)

*A More Different Girl: How would she know something like that? I mean, really! How? Seriously guys, can't we just get back to spelling?

M: (Grasping as desperately for this way out as a drowning person would for a life preserver.) I agree! The next word is minerals! Min er als.

* Sorry! I could resist the Homestar quote.

Oreo Cakes Bites!

2010-09-19T20:41:00.000-07:00

For the most ridikalous dessert in the world, follow this link:

Oreo Cake Bites

I made two batches, one with single stuff Oreos and one with Mint Oreos. Both were beyond amazing, especially the mint ones.

Ideas for future variations: Sub in peanut butter for the cream cheese and coat them with Chocolate/Peanut Butter Chips, which do exist, by the way.

Use a flavored cream cheese, strawberry for example, and add strawberry extract to the chocolate coating.

Play with extracts like almond and coconut. The ball can then be rolled in almond/coconut/whatever once the outer shell of chocolate is still drying.

Mmmmmm...

Sex Ed

2010-09-19T20:34:00.000-07:00

Recent conversation with a 6th grade student:

Girl: If you can't have babies, are you going to adopt?

Me: Ummmmm, as far as I know I can have babies. I've just decided not to yet.

G: You can decide not to?

M: Well, yes.

G: I thought it just...happened.

M: (Inwardly panicking.) Well, that's true too...you can plan it sometimes and sometimes it just happens.

G: (Looking confused.) Oh...

M: I think you're going to have to ask your mother if you have any more questions. (Phew!)

Come On! *

2010-07-08T07:36:00.000-07:00

When I was in school, I met a lot of former teachers. The conversation usually went like this,

"Oh, you're going to be a teacher! Ha ha, (Knowing smile) I used to be a teacher."

At first I was offended. "How dare they rain on my parade!"

Then I was judgemental. "Quitters! Hacks! I have been called to the noble profession of teaching, and you, my friend, were not up to the job. I look down my nose at you!"

But now I am older, wiser, bitterer. Now there are times when I am not angry or judgemental, but envious. Teaching is DANG difficult. I feel like it makes me old, worn out, and tired. It gives me wrinkles and grey hairs. I am no longer surprised there are so many disillusioned teachers fleeing the profession. Not everybody can do the job. But please don't think I'm implying that I'm one of the bodies who can; I'm just trying my best and hoping I survive.

It had been a long while since I experienced one of those former teacher encounters, so I guess I was due. This one, however, was worse than all the rest combined. Thomas and I are sharing a car right now, so I had to take the bus to work. I was reading a book at the stop, so when I entered the bus, the driver asked me about it. The book was quite embarrassing-- something frivolous I was reading for fun--and I felt the need to excuse myself. I told him I was a teacher and reading it to keep up with my students, even though that was completely not true.

The bus driver said, "You're a teacher? I used to be a teacher, too."

"Oh?" I replied, quite confused and curious.

"Yeah, but I make more money doing this."

That is just IT! How is this acceptable? The people responsible for the education of America's children (and the children are the future, remember?) make less than a man who drives around in circles all day long? I've been qualified to do that since I was sixteen; why did I need college, or even senior year of high school, for that matter? I have no disrespect for bus drivers, but that seems like the kind of job you threaten your lazy children with.

"Ok Billy, don't do your homework. The world will always need bus drivers."

But instead it's:

"Ok Billy, don't do your homework. Just goof off until you barely graduate and you'll make more than I'll ever hope to until I get a Master's degree. Life sure is fair."

Come on!

* This is a reference to GOB Bluth. Here is a link in case you are unfamiliar.

I've got a fever...

2010-03-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

And the only prescription is MORE KNITTING! I am crazy. I think about it all day long. When I'm doing something boring and my hands are free, I think, "Dang it! I'm wasting good knitting time!" I have more than once contemplated if I would get fired for knitting in faculty meetings. Would it be worth it? Quite possibly. Here is what I've done so far:

Crocheted Hat: Meant for Katie, but I made it too small. Not to worry, Sean and Jen's new baby Addison will fit! And if you read this Jen, please invite me to your blog! Ok, so this isn't knitted, but I started it before I knew how and it is nearly the same thing.

Knitted Baby Sweater: Second try of making something for Katie. Will it fit? We have yet to find that out. I was making this around St. Patrick's Day, so I crocheted a little shamrock and pinned it on. Who says we can only wear clovers once a year?

Cable Knit Scarf (modeled by Jeffrey the Teddy Bear): This was my first knitting project. I didn't really get the hang of things until about the first foot was finished, so whoever I give it to will just have to wear that disgraceful portion flipped behind their back. No one will be the wiser! The yarn has flecks in it, so pictured it looks like a dirty dish rag, but trust me, it's quite cute in real life.

I realize that three completed projects does not look like much, but I have only been knitting for about three months, so I have lots of setbacks. I started that scarf about five times to disastrous results; I had to pull out all my stitches each time. I also created an accidental hole this week when I was finishing it, and I had to rip out about two inches of scarf. Quite annoying.

The sweater was a challenge because it included all sorts of techniques I had never heard of before. I kept having to pause and look things up before I could continue. I also had to pull out an entire sleeve when I was halfway done because I had made a mistake. It's slow going when you are new.

And now I have a problem: I have finished all of my projects! Now I have to decide what to do next. Here are some options I am looking at:

Adorable pinafore: The anti birth control.

Stripey Blueberry Sweater: Reminds me of Veruca Salt.

Baby Bear hooded jacket: Another Katie garment.

Or I might make something for myself. What to do? All I know is that I can't wait too long to decide or I won't be able to function in normal society. Any thoughts?

Roll Out the Red Carpet

2010-03-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

My life may get very busy soon, because I am a South Korea's newest television star. I know you are not shocked; we've all seen this coming. Click here to see my premiere performance.

In case you weren't aware, I have a second job teaching English over the internet to students in Korea. The Korean news was doing a story about English education in the country, so they taped a bunch of teachers from my company giving a lesson. Personally, I don't know why they had to choose the clip of me looking like an insane bobblehead doll, but it was an honor to be nominated. I'm expecting a call from the Korean Academy Awards any day now.

You might as well give me my own show on the Food Network because...

2010-02-14T22:14:00.000-08:00

I can crack an egg with one hand.

Can you do that? No? I thought so.

The show would feature me making omelets, scrambled eggs, quiche, frittata, custards, baked goods, any dish to showcase my tremendous skills.

I'm sure you're excited.

I can't even stand it

2009-12-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

Just look at these. Can you believe how adorable they are? They're called Stained-Glass Cookies and they have been the center of my universe since I discovered them yesterday evening. Imagine decorating your tree with these! Imagine giving/receiving them as gifts! I think I've come down with some sort of homemaker fever because all I've wanted to do for the past 24 hours is make these cookies. Do I have the energy to do so? No. The equipment? No. The skill? Well, after my Thanksgiving break gingerbread house experiments, it's possible. But, most importantly, do I have the desire? YES! What is wrong with me? After school, instead of doing something productive like planning or grading or e-mailing, I walked around with my laptop showing all the other teachers these cookies, spreading the fever like a wildfire.

Then, after I finished up with dinner, I went back to the recipe and read ALL the comments people had written, which only made the disease spread. There are endless possibilities! Hearts on Valentine's Day, chocolate cookies with candy cane centers, stained glass windows for gingerbread houses. I just couldn't keep the excitement to myself. I can't wait to make these over Christmas break!

In the Manner of the Adverb

2009-11-22T08:02:00.000-08:00

This past week I received my Mid-Year Evaluation, one of two that decide whether or not my very picky school will hire me back the next year, or even allow me to come back to school the next day. Unlike public schools, it is not unheard of at a charter school for people to lose their jobs. Much like the potions position at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I've been told by students that my job is cursed because no teachers stay in it past a year.

With this information in mind, I set about trying to figure out what to do to keep my job. I settled on a game I'd played with my students before called "In the Manner of the Adverb." Students get to pick a verb and adverb for the class to act out. We recently learned that prepositions (up, down, in, out, etc.) can also be used as adverbs, so I had them come up with phrases that employ both types for us to use in our game. Here are some examples: We sneaked past greedily (I made them rub their hands together and laugh maniacally as they did this). We ran around wildly. We skipped through gracefully. We fell down dizzily.

It was a warm day, so I decided to take the game out to the playground. The kids had and I had a lot of fun running around outside, and my supervisor was pleased with my teaching. Everybody wins! However, the game didn't go perfectly at all times. Thankfully, the following occurrence did not take place during my observation.

I chose a student to read her sentence, which included the verb race. I turned to the kid next to me, a spry football player, and said, "I'm racing you!" I tore off down the field, and he followed in hot pursuit. He began to gain on me, but he got too close, tangling his feet in mine. I managed to keep going, but he went down hard. The next few seconds are a blur, so I'm not quite sure exactly what happened. Either the force of his fall caused both his shoes and socks to fly off, or they came off as he was chasing me. All I know for certain is that when he got up, his knees were covered in grass stains and his feet were bare. He was a really good sport about it, laughing the whole time, so I hope his mom reacted the same way when she saw the state of his clothing.

A Question No One Wants to Be Asked:

2009-11-22T07:58:00.000-08:00

Impish 8th grade boy, smiling: "Have you ever thrown up in your mouth?"
Me, instantly suspicious and wary: "Yes."
Him: "Can I go get a drink, then?"

Tompkins Made a Swear!

2009-11-16T18:56:00.000-08:00

If you are an anytime reader of my blog, you'll notice that many of my posts are titled with obscure references that make sense to no one but me, or perhaps Nadia, and this one is no exception. This one comes from HomestarRunner.com's Teen Girl Squad. You might have to watch a few to understand the humor of the cartoon, but you don't have to watch any to understand the humor (if there is any) in this post. On with the show:

As a 6th-grade teacher, one of my duties is teaching my students to spell. My school has a strict spelling program that I am required to use, which involves breaking words up into their syllables. I tell the students the word, then say it in syllables, and they attempt to spell it. This leads to some discomfort for me, because some words, when broken up, either sound like swearwords or are the for-real deal (another HomeStar reference. Sorry!). Let's look at some examples, shall we?

damage
associate
perpendicular
horizontal (which has layers of inappropriateness if you think about it long enough.)

If you can't find the hidden curse in one of these, then I applaud you for being as pure as the driven snow. I don't think I'm at all dirty-minded, but these are things you simply must consider when you are standing in front of a room full of eleven-year-old boys. I have to be on my toes and constantly on the lookout to avoid inappropriateness. The fart joke is king with these boys. I once had to say "Gaelic" in class and the word sent out waves of hysterical giggling.

My tactic in this situation has been to ignore, ignore, ignore. I say the words exactly as I should, with a completely straight face. They are still quite innocent, and as long as I do not acknowledge that anything even remotely naughty is going on, then it will sail right over their heads. This would have never worked in high school, so I'm counting my blessings that I have such a sweet little bunch in my care.

I'm usually very good at this straight-face business, but there is an exception in recent memory that I've wanted to share. We were talking about research papers the other day, and how it is inappropriate to copy someone else's work. I asked them to tell me the word that means to cheat in this way, and I told them it started with a "P." The word I was looking for was "plagiarism." One girl raised her hand excitedly and replied with complete and utter seriousness, "I know what it is! Pornography!" My composure cracked instantly. I tried unsuccessfully to stifle my giggling as I replied, "No, that's another bad thing that starts with a 'P'."

Goofus and Gallant

2009-11-12T16:22:00.000-08:00

This week in my English language classes, I'm teaching the Korean students about mail. During class, I discovered quite by accident that Koreans don't have envelopes and stamps that you have to lick to stick (probably due to humidity). The students in these classes usually appear catatonic from so much studying, so I mimicked licking the stamp and envelope to try to get a reaction out of them. They all giggled and smiled, so I played it up by making a face and saying how bad the glue tastes. It kind of made me feel like a barbarian, licking things when they use glue, but whatever it takes to get them interested.

Later, we had a dialogue during which they asked me the price of the stamp in Korean won. The teacher didn't tell me the appropriate price, so I found a currency converter that claimed a 44 cent stamp costs 500 won. I used that number for a while, but then I tried to guess a larger number for sending letters overseas. I overestimated once, and caused the girls I was practicing with to giggle. In the next line of the dialogue they have to ask how long it will take for their letter to arrive, so I chose some crazy number to keep the gag going.

I started doing it cautiously with other students, seeing if they would get the joke. I was a little wary because Korean education is serious business, especially when English is concerned. My co-teacher had left the room momentarily and I kept worrying that she was going to come back in the room and catch me (gasp!) having fun with the children. But when she did return, she never said a word. With her assumed approval I kept getting wilder, until stamps cost 1 million won ($862) and letters took 100 days to reach their destination. She never mentioned my exaggerations, so I'm not even sure if she knew what I was doing, but I'm hoping she just has a better sense of humor than the language barrier allows her to show.

I do similar things with my 6th graders. We are now reading the book Hatchet, which is about a boy stranded in the wilderness after a plane crash. He is basically starving, and he describes the changes in his body by saying his stomach is nearing his backbone. After I read this to them, I got up and stuck out my belly as far as it would go, and then sucked it back in again to show what he meant. We also talked about how smoke can darken things, and I told them that if you stick around a fire long enough, your boogers will turn black. The boys really appreciated that one. Anything gross will just pull them right in, which is why when the protagonist talked about eating grasshoppers, I casually mentioned that I knew for a fact that ants tasted like lemons. This set off a wave of bug eating stories, and it took me a while to calm them back down.

I love to try to make them squirm. The boy in are story has to eat a raw egg, and I read his description of it in disgusting detail, including a nauseous voice and facial expressions. Once he is attacked by a swarm of mosquitoes, and he describes them as "a living coat" of insects. I always remind them of this scene whenever mosquitos are mentioned, and I don't stop talking about it until they start shivering and trying to brush imaginary bugs off their arms. I always love my job a lot more when my students are having fun, so I try to create moments like these as much as I possibly can.

The Tiny Ugly Germs

2009-11-10T18:29:00.000-08:00

I have always been a germ-conscious person, but with all the swine flu hysteria going around lately, this trait of mine has ramped into high gear. I read somewhere that swine flu only gets in through your mouth and nose (Confirmation Clint?) and that you should avoid touching your face at all costs. I never realized how much I did touch my face I had to stop doing it cold turkey. Try it sometime. It'll drive you crazy.

I did everything I could to stay well. I was a woman possessed. I washed my hands until they cracked and scabbed, gargled saline, swabbed out my nostrils with saltwater, and developed a fear of touching anything in my workspace. Have you ever had a moment in which you wash your hands, and then can't bring yourself to touch anything because you can't risk spoiling your decontamination efforts? Trapped! It was a war zone. Kids were falling ill one by one, teachers were out sick for days at a time, but my descent into obsessive compulsive disorder was working! I was going to make it through unscathed.

Then, BAM! Last Thursday I drive home with a splitting headache, I barely make it through school on Friday, and then I spend the weekend unconscious on the couch. Luckily I just have a little cold, for which I blame Thomas, and I'm pretty much over it now. I was well enough to speak in church on Sunday and go to work the past two days, but I almost wish I was sick enough to stay home. I feel fine, but I have a runny nose and a cough, and in my new state of heightened germ awareness, I feel like I can see the germs coming out of me and attacking everyone around me. Everything I touch glows like radioactive waste, and I can see the journey of my germs as they migrate around the school. I cough into my hand or wipe my nose, and then pass out the correcting pencils or the day's assignment, touch the communal teacher microwave, the doorknob to my classroom, and feel a pang of guilt each time I leave another glowing green patch in my waste. It's quite the dilemma: too well to stay home but sick enough to possibly be contagious. Obviously I have chosen the selfish option, so I just hope that nobody gets sick while I am getting well.

And now we must get to the title of my post (and to be honest, the real reason why I took the time to write this whole thing in the first place) which comes from the popular, but extremely creepy kids show Yo Gabba Gabba. For some unknown reason, someone was playing it in a classroom on Halloween and I witnessed this gem, which teaches us about those tiny ugly germs which make us sick. Enjoy!

UPDATE: The link to the video was broken but has since been repaired.

It's Just a Phase

2009-10-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

One thing I've discovered recently is that sixth graders are extremely susceptible to fads. One kid starts doing something, and by the end of the day, every kid has begun copying them. I think the tendency becomes magnified at my school, which has only 75 sixth graders who have several classes a day together.

They have begun doing two things recently to drive their teachers mad. The first is making paper claws. Behold:
It started with just one boy, but by the next day, 4 to 5 boys per class were wearing them. The claws themselves are inoffensive, but the lack of self-control displayed by eleven-year-old boys is. They rush through their work, or don't do it at all, so they can fold them. They fold them under their desk when they think I'm not watching. They try to do their classwork while wearing them. Can you imagine trying to hold a pencil with those one your fingers? Their handwriting is illegible enough, they do not need any more help in that department.

Once I noticed the trend, I forbade them immediately. Then I started confiscating them. But in case you want to fold some, here is a link to a video how to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7LGc_KUs_I

The second annoying trend is the snap game. I have never heard of it before, so it might be native to my school. Here is how the game works: "Throw" a snap at your friend. They "catch" the snap by snapping, and then throw the snap back. That's it! Sounds pretty boring, just snapping at people. But if you think that, then you would be wrong. The snap game is the latest craze. We can't even get through a lesson without multiple snap games breaking out.

I have a couple of strategies for dealing with the snap game. Strategy 1: I "catch" every snap, and then put them in my pocket. Strategy 2: I catch the snaps and eat them. Then I say, "I have ALL of the snaps, so nobody can be playing the snap game right now." These strategies don't work very well, because unless I tape their fingers together, my students will always have an unlimited supply of snaps. Thomas has suggested we let them use the paper claws, because at least they can't snap. I'm just hoping they'll soon become fascinated with something less disruptive.

Mummy Dearest

2009-10-07T18:50:00.000-07:00

Today to finish up our Egypt unit, I sent a student to the underworld. First, I killed him via leopard attack, and then I laid him across three desks in the front of the room so I could mummify him. We used a student's lion backpack to simulate canopic jars, paper towels for linen wrappings, a baby doll for the shabtis, and an apple from my desk for food in the afterlife. We traveled with him over the celestial river, through the massive labyrinth, and finally to the court of the underworld. We weighed his soul to see if it was heavy from earthly misdeeds, and then decided whether he could pass on to Egyptian heaven, or if we would have to feed his soul to the fearsome she-demon, Ammut. I let him pass on to heaven, which disappointed many students, probably even the one being mummified.

We then reviewed what we had learned over the past few weeks. In response to the incredible advances made by the Egyptians (geometry, medicine, etc), one student provided an alien visitation theory. When I asked how the Sphinx lost its nose, two separate students tried to retell a scene from Disney's Aladdin. And finally, someone shared a story he'd heard about a mummified hand being kept in a bank vault and then coming back to life for some reason. Other than that, though, they seemed to know a lot about Egypt.

Emergency!

2009-10-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

Your wish is my command, Jessi.

During my student teaching, I was not strict enough with my high schoolers, and I really think I did them a disservice. During my time at kiddie rehab, I was taught that we often do things as adults because that are easy for us, but not necessarily the best thing for the children in our care. For example, it is much more difficult to have strict policies and get complaints from students and parents, then to be spineless and let anything go. It is much easier to buy the candy for the screaming child then to continue to listen to their tantrum. The adult in the situation gets peace, and the child learns, falsely, that those behaviors will help them succeed in life. I also learned in my classroom management training for this school, that every mistake is an opportunity for learning, and you should not protect your students (or children) from the consequences of their actions.

These policies have led me to be quite strict, especially with my out of room policy. Drinking and going to the bathroom may be done before or after class, and as we only have 55 minute periods, this shouldn't be too hard. The goal of these policies was to teach students to budget their time during passing periods properly, as well as to prevent going to the bathroom or getting a drink from being an excuse to avoid being in class.

But I am not a monster, I know that their are going to be some times when students will have to leave. Usually when they ask me, I say they may go if it is an emergency. If I neglect the line and just say no, most students will say, "But it's an emergency," or give me a meaningful look which gets them passage out of class.

So last week, when a girl asked me about leaving, I gave her my standard emergency line, and then I didn't think anything of it. She didn't leave class, nor did she mention it again. But after class, she behaved a little oddly. The class was right before a break in the day, and usually kids are out of there as soon as I release them. But she sat in her desk, writing something down, for quite some time. All the students had left and I was about to leave myself, so I asked her what the hold up was.

With tears in her eyes, she said, "Remember how you told me I couldn't go to the bathroom? I peed my pants."

Well this was certainly a catastrophe. I expected to have girls getting their period in my class, but never this. I ran to get her some paper towels, and then I had to wander the school searching for extra pants and the custodian. She got cleaned up and sent on her way, but the custodian could not come before the start of the next class. I wasn't sure what had been touched, so I had to pull three desks out of the seating chart and then guard them. Every time I turned around someone was trying to sit in them, and kids started getting curious.

"Don't sit there!"
"Why?"
"None of your business."
"Did someone throw up?
"Something like that."
"EWWWWWWWWW! Wait, you said, 'something like that.' What really happened?"
"None of your business."
"What happened? Who was it? Was it a sixth grader? What class was it in? Boy or girl?"
"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! All you need to know is that you can't sit there right now!"
"Just give us a hint."
"NO!"

Finally our wonderful janitor came and performed the hazmat routine on the contaminated desks. I pushed them back in rotation, unsuspecting kids from the next class sat in them, and everyone forgot the whole affair.

You Can't Put a Price on Good Health

2009-09-29T21:05:00.001-07:00

If you think even for a second that I am going to be talking about healthcare reform, then you can forget it this instant. I really only wanted to give an update on the headache situation. Four pain-free days and counting!

The headaches were making me feel irritated and discouraged, but since they are gone, it is like a weight has been lifted off of me. I like my students again. I am no longer having fantasies about becoming pregnant so I can quit my job forever. A student peed their pants in class yesterday and I didn't even bat an eye. Life is sure grand!

The Code of Hodge

2009-09-24T19:10:00.000-07:00

In history, we have been learning about the Code of Hammurabi, which is one of the earliest sets of recorded laws. It is know for being quite strict and oftentimes vicious, and to give the students an idea of what it might feel like, we created our own classroom code.

The students came up with what should be regulated and both fair and cruel punishments for lawbreakers. We then followed the code for a week. Here is what they came up with:

1. Thou shalt obey the Golden Rule. If thou breakest the Golden Rule, thou shalt write a 250 word letter of apology or be exiled to the time out desk, forbidden to speak or interact with others, for an indefinite period of time.

2. Thou shalt follow thy leader, raise thy hand to speak, and make only relevant comments. If thou breakest this rule, thou must stand in the corner with thy nose in the wall for an indefinite period of time or teach part of the next day's lesson.

3. Thou shalt follow the laws of the schoolhouse. If thou dost not participate in yoga (which we do every morning), thou shalt be forced to lead it. If thou is caught with food, thine accuser shalt eat thy food in front of thy face. If thou breakest dress code, though shalt be led by the hand to the office of the vice principal and may be forced to wear humiliating attire.

4. Thou shalt be on time to class. After announcements have concluded, any amount of time you are late to class is owed at the end of the period.

These laws were meant to be a fun activity for the class to participate in, but it didn't always turn out that way. One student was so furious at being sent to the corner, that he began banging his head against the wall. Another sobbed profusely when I took away his food and gave it to his accuser. I'm kind of happy this will be over tomorrow. I'm not sure all of sixth grade is ready to take a joke.

Graphophobia

2009-09-24T17:59:00.000-07:00

Graphophobia is the fear of writing, which is the closest thing that I could get to a pandemic that has been sweeping through the sixth grade population: the fear of writing utensils. Ok, so maybe they aren't afraid of them, but how do you explain their failure to bring them to class every single day????? We'll be halfway through a class period before I notice a student with absolutely nothing on his/her desk.

"What's going on over here? Why aren't you writing this down?"

"I don't have a pencil."

(Silent scream inside my brain.)

First, I would just loan out pencils to students. "Here you go, just remember to bring this back to me." Then one day I loaned a student a pencil in first period, and the next day, they again asked for a pencil. "What happened to the pencil I gave you yesterday?" "Oh, it broke so I threw it out." I have repeat offenders like this. If I have a student two or three times in one day, and they ask for a pencil in every class period, it gets a little frustrating. This is school, after all, it's pretty much expected that you will write something down at least once during the day.

Not wanting to become the pencil and paper supplier for the universe, I decided to ask students to just borrow from a neighbor. I figured their comrades in arms would be understanding and come to these students' aide. Not so. Most students are very reluctant to loan out their belongings, as they have also discovered a pattern in their classmates' behavior. Many have started doing my lecturing for me, in a much harsher manner, I might add. "Why don't you have a pencil?" "Are you serious?" "How hard is it to bring a pencil to class?" "You do this EVERY DAY!"

I decided to change my tack. Today I posted a sign on my door stating that bringing a pencil was a class assignment and that not having one would result in a 0 in the grade book. Everyone had a pencil today! Miraculous! There were mixed reactions to this approach. One of my repeat offenders could be heard saying, "It's not my fault I don't have a pencil." O RLY? But most were grateful because their pencils were safe for another day.

Next on the agenda: paper!

The Science of Education

2009-09-23T18:08:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I'm going on nine straight days with a 24-hour headache, and I'm becoming just a little bit unhinged. This post is really hilarious to me, but there is a good chance it is just a private joke with myself. Just thought I'd warn you. Enjoy!

Pharmacology: There is no sedative like a well-prepared lesson.

Statistics: When students raise their hands, there is a 33% chance that their statements will be completely irrelevant to what is being discussed in class, a 33% chance that their answer will be "Oh, I forgot," and a 33% percent chance that they will actually attempt to answer the question you asked.

Biology: You definitely want to leave the door open after gym class. Don't bother smell checking; it's not you.

Sociology: Monkey see, monkey do.

Investing: No matter how many pencils you loan out to forgetful students, you will recoup all of them and more by collecting the pencils left on the floor by those same students at the end of the day.

Pathology: Tragically, 75% of middle schoolers suffer from voice immodulation syndrome.

Physics: An open classroom door is the most powerful vacuum known to man. Vulnerable students will have no choice but to be sucked into your room, even if no class is in session. Sometimes, even a closed classroom door can affect the same pull on students, and the only way to protect them is to lock your door.

Complex Sentences

2009-09-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

For writing this week, we learned about complex sentences.

complex sentence = independent clause + dependent clause

or

dependent clause + , + independent clause

After we learned about complex sentences, each student had to write five sentences for me. But one of my student really wasn't feeling her work that day. She kept getting off task and asking to show me some strange talent she had. I told her she had to finish her sentences first so that she would get motivated to work.. She kept asking and asking, but I stayed strong. Finally, she walked up to me with her completed sentences, and here is what she wrote:

Since we jumped, they ran.

When Mrs. Hodge said no, I screamed.

Unless she says yes, I will scream more.

After she says yes, I will be okay.

As I screamed, she laughed.

This inspired me to mine everyone else's work for gems, and here is what I came up with.

As if he cared, she thought. (How melodramatic!)

The dumb squirrel died, and he exploded. (This is actually a compound sentence, but it still makes me laugh.)

I am awesome because everyone likes me. (Or does everyone like you because you are awesome?)

Whether I can sing well, I will be in choir. (She sounds a little bitter to me.)

While I ate, I cried. (Does this mean she has an eating disorder?)

When I blew up, it was messy.

These next five are from one student:

While I walked across the street, a car hit me!
While I ran, a car hit me!
While I sat on a chair, a car hit me!
While I went back to my house, a car hit me!
While I opened the door, a car hit me!

It sounds like that car really has it in for him. These kind of remind me of the the SNL skit where Gilda Radner gets eaten by a shark when she answers the door, or the one where Andy Samberg punches people right before they eat.

While I ate, a stranger punched me!

While I opened my door, a shark ate me!

I love that he seems excited to become roadkill. Maybe we need to learn about the proper use of the exclamation point sometime in the near future.

I'm experiencing some lightning.

2009-09-16T19:45:00.000-07:00

The title of this post comes from Jerry Seinfeld. In one of his routines, he is discussing pain medication commercials and he says the following: "Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames." This sketch has been coming to mind quite a bit recently, as I have started getting headaches.

Before I began this school year, I would not even have to take off my shoes to count the number of headaches I've had in my life. I just don't get them. But about the first week of school, I started getting this throbbing across my forehead--a unibrow of pain--that would not go away. The first week, it lasted for about three days straight. After that time, I'd maybe have one a week, or even go a week without one, so I kind of forgot about them.

This week they are back with a vengeance. I got one a little after lunch break yesterday, but it went away after school. Today's started before lunch, and is still going strong as I write this post. It has not responded to Advil.

Sick and tired of the situation, I decided to google "stress headache" and see what I came up with. Here are is what I found, do you think it fits?

From medicenet: In mild to moderate tension headaches, there is a constant, band-like pain or pressure that lasts from 30 minutes to all day...Tension headaches are usually triggered by some type of environmental or internal stress. The most common sources of stress include family, social relationships, friends, work and school. Episodic tension headaches are usually triggered by an isolated stressful situation or a build-up of stress. Daily stress can lead to chronic tension headaches.

The whole "daily stress can lead to chronic tension headaches" was the part that most concerned me. This is my first month as a real teacher! I'm going to have years of daily stress. And it isn't like I haven't had stress before. What makes this stress so special? It's all a mystery to me, but as long as I don't burst into flames, I think I'll be able to handle it.

I ♥ Dress Code

2009-09-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

I think every public school student in the United States has written this essay for English class: Your school board is considering school uniforms (but they're really not) because of x, y, and z. Write a persuasive letter to your school board president (because s/he would really read it) and tell them whether you support (brown noser!) or oppose (everyone else) this decision. I don't know why teachers even bother assigning it; they're going to get the exact same answer every time. (It's like, freedom of speech, man.)

My school has a dress code, and I'd like to come out publicly and say that I ♥ it, truly and deeply. On Mondays, everyone (students, administration, teachers) must wear a white collared top and navy blue bottoms. Tuesday through Thursday, teachers may wear professional dress or wear student dress code, which is what I always choose. I have the option of a navy blue, white, light yellow, light blue, or red collared shirts and navy or khaki bottoms. On Fridays I can wear nice jeans and a dress code or "spirit" top.

It's heaven! I never have to worry about what I'm going wear. I just pick out one of my options from the closet--or let's be honest, from off the floor--pull it on, and stumble sleepily out to the car in the morning.

Dress code also brings comedy to my life. 1: My favorite outfit makes me look like a patriotic gym teacher. 2: The other teachers have specified certain days of the week as "Target Tuesday" and "Walmart Wednesday." 3: I can buy all my polos in the little girl's department at Old Navy. Thomas claims they are too short on me, but I don't see how he can argue with the $7.50 price tag.

Favorite Outfit: Proud to be an Athletic American!

Most commonly-worn shoes: the Keds and the Tommies. Eighth-grade Gianna would have died of embarrassment at the thought of wearing *shudder* Keds, but she would have felt like the coolest girl in the world wearing those Tommy sneakers. Today's Gianna feels exactly the opposite, so it was partly due to this inside joke with myself that I bought those tennis shoes in the first place. The other part was that they were leather and on sale at TJ Maxx.

The students complain about it to no end and are always trying to find ways to express themselves within its boundaries. This has led to some pretty interesting style choices. One boy who I don't know, but regularly see in the halls, always wears a shiny red dress shirt to school. Ties are common in the upper grades, usually worn loosely about the neck, as if after a long day's work. One boy wears suit vests with matching dress pants and sneakers every day. My all time favorite? Black lipstick. I saw two girls wearing it one morning and was quite thankful they were not in my first period class. I saw one of them enter my colleague's classroom only to be ejected, looking extremely sullen, a minute later. Off to the bathroom to wash off her individualism!

Some students dress to make the first period dress code check, but slowly molt, lizard like, during the day. I've had boys show up to 6th period in basketball shorts and T-shirts. What happened to their clothes? Where did they change? How long have they been like this? It's always a mystery to me.

Well, it's Walmart Wednesday tomorrow--gotta go make sure my navy polo is clean.

*This reminded me of something that happened when I was working at the girl's home last year. If the girls behave well enough, they are rewarded with the opportunity to leave the facility and go to the movies. One of the girls didn't want to go, but they don't really give them that choice because it is part of their treatment to learn to be agreeable and not complain, etc. She of course threw a fit, and one of the other girls valiantly came to her aide. "You can't make her go to the movies!" she claimed, "It's like, freedom of sight." Ah yes, freedom of sight. So trampled upon these days. Fight the power! Keep your laws off my eyeballs! I about died.

BFFs

2009-09-12T22:29:00.000-07:00

I have been very grumpy all week, so I'm surprised that any of my students still like me, but if anecdotal evidence proves anything, it looks like a few of them still do. I have one little girl in the sixth grade who desperately wants to be my personal assistant. Whenever she comes into class, she begins the same dialogue:

"Is there anything I can do for you Mrs. Hodge? Do you need your water bottle refilled? Can I clear the whiteboard for you? Can I organize your desk?"

Her tone of voice always reminds me of a flight attendant. She once asked me if she could be designated my personal helper and suggested some tasks that she could perform for me on a regular basis during class, but I told her that I worried she would not be able to learn if she was busy fetching things for me.

Whenever she sees me, she also must give me a hug and tell me she loves me. At first, this made me extremely uncomfortable. I was taught that touching students is not OK, but when I asked other teachers at the school about it, they just seemed to go with it. And she isn't the only one, either. Remember the note-writing girls from before? One of them is a hugger as well. Whenever she sees me in the hallway, she simply must hug me. Usually, she sees me during crowded passing periods, so she first has to push other students out of the way, usually yelling, "Move! I have to get to Mrs. Hodge!"

She also told me that she wanted me to come be a nanny in her house when she grows up. Apparently she wrote a story about it for class, but unfortunately it is not due yet so I have not been able to read it. Her fellow note-writer is not a hugger, she won't be ignored. During my prep period, another teacher uses my room for a class. I usually just sit at my desk and plan because it's too much trouble to leave for that hour. The non-hugger just happens to be in this class, and this is how she usually spends the first few minutes before the bell: First she whispers loudly until I turn to look at her. Next, she smiles broadly, waves, and says "Hi!" Then, the process repeats. I often leave the room a few times during the class, and I always get at least one "Mrs. Hodge!" on my way out. She also does this when she sees me in the hall.

This is not even the end with these girls. They have taken to bringing a camera to class and taking pictures of me while I teach. Why? They have not told me yet, so I have tried to ignore it. Usually a few times a class period, one will show the camera screen to the other and say, "Look how cute!" Or one of them will wave their arms until I look at them while the other attempts to get a shot. Often they ask me to smile and I pull the ugliest face I can think of and move on with the lesson.

For some reason they have decided to focus on the cleanliness of my nostrils. They will zoom way in on that area and comment on how clear it is in there. The have even asked me how I keep my nose so clean. I wish I was making this up.

This week they had two male class members bring in cameras as well. There cameras had the flash turned on, which for some reason was the creepy cherry on top of this whole business, and I had to ask for them to put them away for the rest of the period. As of yet, there are no videos of me on Youtube, but I'll be watching closely.

Hmmmm...

2009-09-07T12:32:00.000-07:00

It's back-to-school time in Korea, which means I will start teaching classes again this week. My old schedule was too demanding to put on top of teaching full time, which means I will be working with a brand new teacher and a lighter schedule. This week we are supposed to be arranging times to meet our co-teachers, and this is a quote from an e-mail I got from my new partner:

"I want to meet you every thesday 7: 30 am Korean time ."

Usually typos can be deciphered pretty easily, but "Thesday," could go either way. It is only one letter away from being "Tuesday," and h is pretty close to u on the keyboard, but from the rest of the e-mail it seemed like she was referring to Thursday. Just one of the many funny things that occur when working across a language barrier. I expect many more in the future.

Somebody Has to Dig the Ditches

2009-09-02T19:13:00.000-07:00

Right now in Life Skills we are learning about the working world. Every student was assigned a profession at random, but before this was done, I gave a lecture on how every job is important. The title of the post is what my seminary teacher told us in high school during the exact same discussion, so I decided to pass the phrase on to my students. Hoping this would stymie complaints about getting assigned "Waitress" or "Truckdriver," I asked them what would happen if we didn't have garbage men or those people that pick up dead animals on the side of the road. They all agreed the consequences would be quite gross. I tried to emphasize that the only jobs that exist are jobs that are necessary to society, and that somebody has to do them.

During this time a hand shot up from one of the girls.

Girl: "In real life, do we get to pick our own jobs, or are the chosen for us based on what job needs filling?"

Me: "....(furrowing my brow and cocking my head to one side)....Ummm, no, you get to pick your own job in real life."

I also told them about income tax brackets and tax-deductible charity donations. It was quite the enlightening 55 minutes.

Passing Notes

2009-09-02T18:56:00.000-07:00

Ah, the time-honored tradition of note passing. As a middle schooler I did not see the point of it, but of course you have no choice in the matter if you are a 13-year-old girl. Things have not changed one bit in 10 years since I was the age of my students, so this was bound to come up sooner or later.

Note 1: Confiscated during my "Do Not Pass Notes Because I am Nosy and I Will Take Them and Read Them and Know All of Your Secrets" Lecture

Note 2:

"Mrs. Hodge, what's your favorite animal?"

"Ummm, I guess when I was little it was a zebra."

This was on my desk by the end of the period.

Note 3:

Found this folded up on the floor today.

I make no promises, young children.
Inside it read:
We'll have to work on the spelling, but at least this proves they listened to my lecture.

Back to School Tips

2009-08-19T19:42:00.000-07:00

"Helping Your Kids Succeed in School," courtesy of TheOnion.com.

Here are my two favorites:

Fostering a strong sense of self-worth is crucial to academic success. Send your child to school bedecked in precious jewels and carried aloft in a gilded chair by four loinclothed slaves.
Underfeed your child so he or she will become skinny and awkward. The child will then pursue academia instead of sports and social channels.

You're welcome.

(Update: I forgot to post the link! But it is up there now.)

On my Second First Day of Sixth Grade...

2009-08-17T18:49:00.000-07:00

I learned:

Speech impediments are still adorable at age 12.

Girls really do mature faster than boys.

Without fail their was a gaggle of boys grouped together in every class constantly raising their hand to make strange, only tangentially-related comments, or being generally disruptive and attention seeking. There was also a girl or two in that in those classes rolling their eyes and sighing dramatically at these antics. Some even commented:

Girl One: (not loud enough for the boys to hear) That's not funny. Why are we talking about this? That's HILAAARIOUS guys.

Girl Two: Come ONNNN, guys! Seriously? Be quiet! GUYS!

The tallest and most physically mature: always girls.

The smallest and most likely to be mistaken for a first grader: definitely boys.

Sixth grade cut-ups sit in the front of the class. The shy, behaved kids sit in the back.

Remember the boy gaggle? Front left in every class.

Teachers are cool.

Girl: (running into my room during lunch.) Mrs. Hodge! I can't open my locker! (What highschooler would ever do that? I go and open it for her because I enjoy playing mommy.) Thanks Mrs. Hodge!!!!!

Another girl: This is my worst class, but you're my best teacher.

(After I agreed to read a specific story to them later in the week) Final girl: REALLY! Oh, we like you, Mrs. Hodge.

That thing that little kids do when they make random, unrelated comments over and over again just for attention...that still happens.

Me: ...and large projects are still due, even if you are sick.

Boy: (frantic hand flap) What if you break your legs?

Me: You can still type.

Another boy: (frantic hand flap) What if you break your knuckles?

Me: You guys sure have a lot of problems. I guess you'll have to turn it in late.

Girl: (frantic hand flap) I broke my knuckle once.

Me.......(thinking)........Ooooookaaaay! Moving on.

They watch really inappropriate movies.

Moulin Rouge!, Sweeney Todd, The Happening, and District 9 were all referenced.

They break things.

They popped a leg off the ottoman I bought for our class reading corner and bent all the leaves on our relaxation fern.

Games cause way too much excitement.

I had to swear them to vows of silence to get anything done. In one class, I had to raise my hand and cover my mouth every five seconds to remind them not to shout out.

Conclusion?

I LOVE them! I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Baking is Hard

2009-08-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

I got bored so I made a quadruple-layer cake. I have never made a layer cake before, so I thought it might be fun. Here is the aftermath this experiment left in my kitchen:

The results were underwhelming:

I cut the layers unevenly which made them weak and flimsy. When it came time to frost, the edges flaked off which caused a lot of problems. The filling was also a problem. When I made it, the saucepan was too small, so every time I tried to stir it, it overflowed out the sides and got on the burner. I was supposed to whisk in some egg yolks, but because of the space issue, I couldn't get them incorporated well enough and I ended up with a bunch of white pieces floating through my filling. Once I put it in the cake, it started gooshing out the edges, which made frosting almost impossible, and caused ridges in the frosting once the cake settled. It also caused the layers to slide around every time I tried to tip the plate or move the cake. The frosting also slid off the cake in places and puddled around the base. The orange thing sticking out is zest in case you were wondering. What a nightmare.
This is completely cliche, but I really did get the frosting there by accident, so I decided to post it.

Thomas kept getting in the way when I tried to take the pictures. He probably won't ever do it again after he finds out I posted this.

It tasted good, but I don't know if I'll ever have the energy to attempt that feat again. It took me 40 minutes to clean up my kitchen, and that doesn't even count the time it took to create that beast. I think I'll stick to just making dinner for a while.

Update: On a slightly happier note, Dad tried the cake and ate about a quarter of it in one sitting. At least somebody was happy!

Konglish

2009-07-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

Interesting (to me, at least) Korea tidbits:

Are you familiar with Spanglish? Well Korea has that, too: Konglish. I die every time someone uses it.

Apparently, certain things that are considered very rude/offensive here are not considered bad at all in Korea. I have only encountered one example of this (which truly deserves its own post), but everything else seems to be exactly the same. We were warned of this, lest we be shocked or offended unnecessarily, but it turns out the Koreans were warned as well. They were told that it is highly offensive to ask someone's age, which is sort of true, but not for someone who is twenty two years old. I have been asked countless times by Korean students how old I am (it's one of the few things they know how to say!) and each time the teacher will get so embarrassed and lecture the students about etiquette. It always makes me wonder what other misinformation they've been fed.

Koreans measure age differently. Time spent in the womb is counted as a year, so everyone is one year older than they are here.

School is intense there. If you don't study at a private high school, then you are basically a loser. If your middle school grades are bad, forget it, you're going to a trade school. Students also take multiple classes during their summer vacation. Every student is ranked and they all compete for the top spot. Many students board at their school their junior year, just because they need the time to study. They go to school every other Saturday, and more advanced students will stay at school until 11:30 pm on a weeknight and 6:00 pm on a weekend studying. Korean families are now limited to one or two children because the cost of sending them to school

If you've read my other posts, then you know that corporal punishment is still allowed. Actually striking a student is frowned upon in the younger grades, but they do not escape unscathed. A bad student can be made to stand with their hands up in the air for however long the teacher desires--oh, ten minutes or so--way past the time when arms completely fall asleep. Students are usually pretty behaved, but once I subbed a class that was in open rebellion. Students were standing on the chairs yelling "You're beautiful!" "I love you!" at me, and you can bet that the teacher would not stand for this. She sent the two worst ones to the back of the room and they had to stand with their palms on the back of their head, held-at-gunpoint style, for quite awhile. I was really surprised to see this actually taking place, but I was even more surprised to discover this didn't do any good. They were still terrible for the rest of the class.

Pointing at someone is considered extremely inappropriate. Forget about three fingers pointing back at you, I'm pretty sure it is near the equivalent of flipping someone off.

Korean teenagers are NOT allowed to date. If their school finds out about them dating another student, they will be punished.

Korean children do not have sleepovers. Their parents do not feel comfortable sending them to a friend's house overnight.

Looks are very important to Korea. I have never worked with an ugly teacher. I have heard that you can sometimes not get a job if you are too ugly or too old. Because of this, they kind of remind me of Italians: "You're so beautiful!" "You're so tall!" "I love you!" It is very good for the self esteem.

Don't want to bore you! I'll write more later.

Dream Big

2009-07-06T05:43:00.000-07:00

With my English-teaching job I have had the opportunity to meet many interesting people. On separate occasions I have thought about discussing all of them on this blog, but I didn't think anyone would really be interested in them. But I had an interaction with one of them today that I really needed to talk about.

One of my duties at work is to have one on one sessions with English teachers. We get together for 25 minutes, three times a week, and work on their English. A coworker of mine was unable to continue on with her sessions, so I inherited some of her students after the program had already begun. One of them was Mr. Park (not his real name.) Mr. Park started out our session by terrifying me. We conduct the sessions through webcams, so when he saw my face on the screen, he became very irritated and asked me who I was and where was his original teacher. Apparently, no one told him about the change, so when I explained that I would be working with him from then on, he said he would "miss" his other teacher. Not a pleasant way to start out.

Things with Mr. Park just got more interesting. I asked how he would like to be addressed, and he said I should call him "Mr. Park," which made me feel awkward, especially since I am technically the teacher in this situation, him being 20 years my senior notwithstanding. He then immediately began grilling me about my religion, and it turned out that he had been meeting with the missionaries and taking the discussions.

After the initial awkwardness, Mr. Park and I have developed a kind of friendship, and he has become an endless source of entertainment to me because the things he does never cease to confuse me.

Sometimes, these confusing things are good. Often when we have our sessions, he will turn the conversation to religion. He will ask me about what the missionaries told him, or just talk about his beliefs. His hobbies are reading religious texts in English and translating them into Korean, and he is teaching himself Hebrew and Greek so that he can read the Bible in its original language. He works long hours at school. Every night he is there until 11:30 to supervise his students while they study, and on the weekends he works from 8:00 am to 6:00 pm, without extra pay. I asked about this, and he explained that Jesus sacrificed for us, and that he is doing the same thing for his students so that they can have a good future.

Every time he talks like this, I'm always so amazed. I can't believe someone would be so giving and unselfish. But then he surprises me with things like this:

Park: Something funny happened to me today.

Me: Oh, really? Tell me about it.

Park: I made my student cry.

I am not joking. In the short time I have known him, Mr. Park has made two of his students, who are seniors in high school, cry. One of them was an 18-year-old boy. He was talking too much in class and Mr. Park asked him to stop. When he didn't, Mr. Park smacked him, and sent him into the hallway to kneel on the floor and think about what he'd done. The student cried and later apologized to Mr. Park for his wrongdoing. The girl's crimes were less serious. She was looking out the window instead of listening to lecture and Mr. Park yelled at her, which caused the crying incident I described above. She later revealed to Mr. Park that she was having family problems at home, so he excused her actions. Personally, I think going to school for more than 12 hours a day would warrant some daydreaming, but not in Mr. Park's class.

Mr. Park always seems to tell me the most horrible stories, for example, he informed me that two middle school students got bad grades on their report cards, and when their parents scolded them, they committed suicide. When I asked him about corporal punishment, he said it was still allowed, but losing favor after a teacher hit a student, causing the student to hit their head and die of brain damage. He also said that teachers had been beaten by parents after using corporal punishments on their children.

Finally, we come to our recent discussions. I get the feeling that Mr. Park has been trying to convert me to his Baptist religion. He quizzes me on scripture stories and asks me if I have read my scriptures and prayed that day. He goes on for long jags about his philosophies and beliefs, and I politely nod and look for grammar and pronunciation mistakes.

Today, he was telling me about his ultimate life goal to become a pastor. When he was a teenager, his Buddhist mother said she would disown him for becoming a pastor, so he chose teaching instead. He says he still regrets it and that he sometimes buys lottery tickets in hopes to earn enough money to go to theology school. He then asked me about my dreams. I said that I had already accomplished a big dream of mine, which was to graduate from college and that my next dream was to have a happy eternal marriage and raise my children to be good people.

I thought that Mr. Park would appreciate this because his own wife stays at home and he has always expressed how much he loves his family. But no, Mr. Park told me that my dream wasn't big enough. When I explained to him that I had personally experienced divorce and that divorce is much more common in the United States than in Korea, he did not change his tune. He basically said that having a happy family was unremarkable thing to accomplish and that being an "ordinary housewife" as he called it was not a good aspiration. He said that I needed to come up with a better dream and then pray to God to help me accomplish it. He said that we needed to have dreams in our life and insinuated that not having what he felt was an appropriate dream was almost an insult to God, because dreams are the blueprint that God uses to build our lives. I wanted to point out that God will use the faithful however he desires, and not however we desire, but I was too irritated and did not want to offend someone who was a client to my employer.

Who is he to judge whether my dream is an appropriate one? It isn't like he wants to become a Nobel prize-winning scientist or something. Many of the most powerful and important people in the world are nowhere near accomplishing my dream, so just because it is common, doesn't mean it is easily attainable. And just because what I will do won't garner much attention or recognition beyond my immediate family, doesn't make it any less worthwhile. Besides, having a happy, successful family doesn't preclude having a career or having other personal dreams, it is just the thing that is my main focus. It is the entree, not the side dish.

I guess I'm going to have to develop a much thicker skin.

Workin' hard for the money

2009-06-22T15:32:00.000-07:00

I got a job!!!!!!!! Ok, so most of you already knew that, but I'm going to talk about it anyway. I was hired by wonderful charter school to teach, get this 6th grade English! It's hilarious to me because I always knew I could teach 6th grade because that is whay my licence says, but I never really thought it was in the realm of possibility. How many middle schools have a 6th grade? When would I even work in a middle school? I just never expected to teach anything below 9th grade. But even though it is unexpected, it is very exciting. I mean, high schoolers can be a pain! Sixth graders could be a refreshing change: they are still old enough to know how to do things, but they are young enough to respect/fear/love adults. And, they are young enough that they will actually consider me an adult, and not their older sister or their possible new girlfriend.

I was all psyched up about the whole situation, and then I got an e-mail from the school. They had created a bio for me and wanted my approval before sending it to parents. Here is a direct quote:

"Mrs. Hodge joins us as the 6th grade English teacher. She will also instruct ______."

Will also instruct ______? What's ______? Am I qualified to teach ______? Will I enjoy teaching ______? Well, I called up the school, and it turns out I won't only be teaching ______, but ______, and ______, as well. That's right, FOUR different classes: language arts, writing, history, and my absolute favorite, home ec. It sounded a little overwhelming at first, but they explained to me that because I'm not actually trained in history or home ec, that another teacher would prepare the lessons/handouts/exams/etc and give them to me to teach. I'm allowed to come up with my own ideas and curriculum, but if I don't feel like it I can use exactly what the other teacher give me. As far as my other classes, language arts will be taught every day, which means five lesson plans a week, but writing will only be taught to a different group of students every day, so I will only prepare one to two lessons a week.

I honestly feel like I've won the lottery. I decided my major before I even got close to getting married, which means I decided it before I went through my domestic metamorphosis. Once I discovered how much I genuinely enjoyed cooking, I really wished that I could be a foods teacher. But I was almost done and I had no time and there really are not many jobs in that area, so I never pursued my secret dream. Now I get all of the fun without any of the work! And history, why not? I never thought I would teach it, but now that it's been thrown in my path, I think it is going to be a great experience. I can't wait to tell you about it.

Super Junior

2009-06-10T09:01:00.000-07:00

I know I've practically been dead to most of you for the past few months, what with student teaching and now working two jobs, I haven't really had the energy to post anything. I usually come home and crash, so my recent hobby has been watching marathons of America's Next Top Model, but Thomas has about reached his limit on that, so I decided I needed a more constructive outlet during my free time. Luckily, something happened today that I absolutely must post about (and I've watched all the ANTM's in our DVR queue) so I guess it is the perfect storm.

To update you a bit, I have been working recently for a company that teaches English to people around the world using the Internet. We work mostly with Skype (a service that lets you make free video calls to other members) and our main clients are in South Korea. My job consists of two activities, 1: Helping Korean teachers improve their English, and 2: C0-teaching classes with Korean teachers. So far it has been a wonderful and interesting experience, and I have gotten to meet very interesting people.

Three times a week I do individual sessions with teachers. We have suggested topics that we can discuss that are mostly about teaching English as a foreign language, but most teachers prefer to "free talk," which means talk about whatever we feel like. On the first day, one of the teachers I met told me to call her Candy. I thought this was completely hilarious, and I ran home to tell Thomas about it, but I was disappointed to learn later that nobody really calls her that, and she just wanted me to have something easy to say.

Anyway, Candy and I have become friends over the past few weeks. She is about 26 or 27 (Koreans measure age differently so I'm not quite sure) and she speaks English very well. The suggested topics bore her, so we decided that we would talk about whatever we felt like at the time. It can be hard to come up with casual chatter day after day, so today, desperate for something to talk about, I decided to ask her about Korean music. She mentioned a boy band called "Super Junior" to me, and said it was very popular.

I came home and googled them, and the first thing I noticed was that they had thirteen members. How are they making any money splitting things thirteen ways? Anyway, "It's You" came up first:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1ctqu4H170

It is subbed in English and seems pretty traditional as far as boy bands go, so I decided to listen to the next one, called "Happiness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuRaKDCrFp0&feature=fvw

What first struck me about this song was the disclaimer at the beginning that was added by the person who posted it. "Please don't leave comments saying they're gay or asking if they are. First of all, there's nothing wrong with being gay. Second, Korea's culture is different than yours, so you shouldn't judge or label them." That definitely piqued my interest.

The video starts out typically enough. The members of Super Junior are all wearing matching outfits and dancing in the streets. But, wait...what is that on their shirts? Snoopy? No, seriously? Ok, yep, they are definitely all wearing shirts with Snoopy the dog's face on them. That scene transitions into a powder room, or at least, that is what I think it is. A few of the boys are sitting at a long table, each at their own individual pink lighted vanities, putting product in their hair, and possibly, but I can't be sure, makeup on their faces. Now one is holding a giant blue lollipop. Oh, wait, now we are at the gym using the weight machines.

Things get normal again until we see one of the boys with a short haircut and a little tiny ponytail in the back. Ummm, ok. Then we go normal again, but their is a lot of pointing at the camera (some of it the kind where your fingers are in the shape of a gun and you pretend to shoot), winking, balling fists and pretending to cry, and drawing hearts in the air with fingers.

Break it down! Time to dance! Ok, enough of that, now I'm in the hair salon and someone is blow-drying my hair! Now we're going shopping again, and what do I decide to buy? Two MORE shirts with Snoopy on the front! Yes!!!!!!

Now comes the part where I decide that this video possibly (read: hopefully) is somewhat of a joke. Two boys turn away from the camera and then hug themselves and run their hands up and down their backs, pretending to be passionately kissing someone. Then one of them slaps the hand away and cheekily smiles at the camera.

Now we're back to ponytail guy, and he is waving a flower around. Now, back to the gym. Now hug an invisible girl!

Oh wait, now we are all together making posters with markers. And one boy...wait, rewind that...yep, one boy just kissed the other on the cheek. The boy that got kissed playfully slaps the other one and puts his hands over his mouth feigning embarrassment.

Ok, now we are in the in the street, and it turns out the signs say "Free Hug." Just the one, though, so don't get greedy. The rest of the video involves the members of Super Junior hugging strangers, interspersed with cuts of them in the clothing store again holding footballs, dancing with lollipops, making hearts with their hands to the camera, and then they all pose and one of them flashes the peace sign.

This is why Korea is seriously, seriously awesome. I struck gold on only my second try! I'm going to be doing some more research. I'll let you know what I come up with!

Is this why our society is the way it is?

2009-02-17T19:54:00.000-08:00

I was texting someone using the "Predicted Text" feature on my phone just now. When I attempted to type in the work "book," the word "cool" came up as the first option. Okay, so maybe I'm overreacting, but I just find that a depressing sign of the dummification of our society.

Things Teaching Has Taught Me

2009-02-13T20:14:00.000-08:00

How long I really can wait between bathroom breaks.
How little I can actually eat and still function.
How abnormal I was as a teenager. (I'm actually starting to doubt I ever really was one.)
How much anyone who makes it to adulthood in a reasonably sane and well-adjusted condition has really accomplished.
How BIG a difference five little years makes.
How much the world has changed since I was a in high school.
How little college prepared me for the real world.

This is a work in progress, so expect to see more as I continue to learn new things.

Spel Czech

2009-02-13T19:57:00.001-08:00

For some unfathomable reason, the youth of Utah cannot spell. I have no idea why this is, but the problem is widespread and severe. When it comes to reading handwritten essays, if you can even read the student's chicken scratch (an elusive skill that I am slowly mastering), you then must employ a very active and forgiving imagination to decipher the words that the student has attempted to spell. My students recently turned in a major paper to me, and in my mind, this meant I would be receiving ninety perfectly legible essays--quality of content aside. Alas, some of my students have not yet learned the meaning of those squiggly red lines that appear underneath their type, and have turned in papers to me completely free of spell checking. Behold, the creativity. I dare you to guess what they were trying to say:

averment

invirment

cumterble

aperients

douse

dose

crewed

carton

Give up?

averment/invirment = environment

cumterble = comfortable

aperients = appearance

douse/dose = does

crewed = crude

carton = certain

Okay, so some of these were not spell check issues, but they were pretty funny to me. I guess we'll have to go over this when I give them their next paper.

Ridiculous Peanut Butter Cookies

2009-02-01T19:42:00.000-08:00

Must be tried to be believed. Original recipe here.

2 cups peanut butter
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
2 t vanilla
½ c flour (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (180 degrees C).
Combine ingredients and drop by teaspoonfuls on cookie sheet. Bake for 8 to 12 minutes. Let cool.

I over cooked the second batch be leaving them in for 15 minutes, but Thomas said he liked those the best.

Sigh....

2009-01-26T19:54:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you about the day I had on Saturday. I guess to fully give you a picture of everything, I’ll have to start back months ago, when the door handle broke off of my car. The plastic handle snapped one day, and since then, opening the passenger door from the inside has required such skill and strength that only Thomas was ever able to accomplish it with regularity. But we endured. Then, about two months ago, Thomas’ car was totaled, leading to the increased use of my vehicle and its broken door handle. This increased used caused the very last remaining plastic on the handle to eventually snap off, as well, forcing the passenger to either wait for the driver to release them, or roll down the window and reach for the outer handle—not a pleasant activity in the middle of January. Also very inconvenient when you are involved in a carpool, which happens to describe me at this point in my life. Did I mention my car is a two door? This window-rolling-down business went on for about a week, and then my car decided it hates me and wants to make my like even more difficult.

The car launched its first attack on Friday evening, just after I had finished dropping off the members of my carpool. Thomas and I decided to go out to dinner, but this time, the passenger-side door refused to be opened, even from the outside. The handle moved up and down, but the door went nowhere. This forced me, the passenger, to climb over the stick shift into the passenger seat, but after that turned out to be a hassle I decided sitting in the backseat was preferable. Now, whenever we go anywhere together, I ride in the backseat like a 5-year-old.

Things really got frustrating Saturday. Thomas and I took advantage of the free morning to take our clothes to the laundromat. I got in the backseat with the clothes and we were on our way. We started up four different washing machines ($6) and poured in our powdered soap. We closed the lids to wait for the soap to dissolve, but when we checked it in a few minutes, it was all clumped on the bottom of the machine. Thomas reached in to check the water and discovered it was completely frigid. Each one of our washers, and, as it turns out, every washer in the whole place, only produced cold water. Rather that swirl our clothes around in dirty water and have them come out covered cakes of soap, we decided to eat our money and go to another laundromat.

This time, as I slid across the backseat of the car to make room for the laundry basket, my pajama pants caught on the plastic surrounding one of the seatbelts and ripped a hole in the general vicinity of my butt. Normally, this wouldn’t be a huge problem, but it was laundry day, remember? And all of my normal undergarments were sitting right next to me in the laundry basket. This created a problem when we attempted to bring our clothes to a different laundromat. It was my job to open the door for Thomas so that he could keep both hands on the overflowing basket. But I was a little distracted and moving rather awkwardly, because I had my right hand reached around behind me, trying to hold together the scraps of fabric covering my right buttock, and I proved unable to accomplish both of my tasks at once. I pushed the door open for Thomas while trying to keep my back to the wall, but it swung closed quickly, smacking Thomas’ hand and removing a large portion of his skin in the process. He began to bleed immediately and profusely and was forced to hand over the laundry to me while he cleaned himself up in the bathroom. I was about ready to start inserting quarters, until saw that the washers at this business were half the size of a normal washer and a quarter more expensive. This was more than we could take, and we abandoned the dream of clean clothing and went home.

We haven’t decided yet what to do about this whole mess, so hopefully the members of my carpool don’t mind riding in the back.

Well I'm sure glad to know that children are involved...

2009-01-07T17:27:00.000-08:00

If you have read any of my past posts, you will have come across this one about my unfortunate run in with petty theft. A year ago, upon returning from my Honeymoon, my bag, in which I had unwittingly packed my checkbook, was stolen from the airport. I froze my account when I detected the problem, but due to me not catching the thief in time, my bank refused to reimburse me. It was a pain to learn that I would indeed loose $200, but at least I was confident that the whole ordeal was finally over. But no, it turns out that this is the gift that keeps on giving, and we received an anniversary present from our mystery thief over the Christmas holidays.

We came back from vacation, our mailbox stuffed to overflowing, and I casually began opening the mail addressed to me. One letter turned out to be from a collection agency. Apparently, my bag thief needed a little extra help to finance his or her annual Christmas card this year, so it was decided that I needed to pick up the tab at Kiddie Kandids. What happy memories they must have captured! "One second kids, I've got to forge this check real quick and then we're all going out for ice cream!" "Yay!!!!" Luckily, my account was already frozen and the company was writing me to collect the bounced-check fee. It took an hour of dealing with the customer service at my bank, but I eventually was able to get them to send off an affidavit of forgery to the company. Hopefully this specific check has been completely dealt with, and hopefully the thief will give me another present and cut these shenanigans out for a while.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

2008-10-30T16:38:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I have a recipe blog for this. But that blog is strictly for necessary cooking, meaning DINNER ONLY, and if I start cluttering it up with desserts and breads, etc., etc., then the whole concept will be ruined. So, that is why I have two blogs, because then I can do whatever I want. And what I want is to share this recipe. It is wonderful because not only does it taste great, but it only has three ingredients. 3! That's it. Easy, fast, delicious, and the clean up is just one bowl and one spoon. You can't really argue with that.

Okay, preheat the oven to 350 and take

1 box spice cake
1 (15 oz) can pure pumpkin
1/2 bag chocolate chips

and mix thoroughly. I used my hand and it got a little tired, but it wasn't horrible. Plop on to foil-covered cookie sheets. Make them only a little bigger than a melon ball because they do puff up. Bake for 15 min. Done! It is almost no effort at all! Hooray!

Fancy Pants Attempt #1: FAIL!!!

2008-10-22T15:16:00.000-07:00

Read this you read this post.

Well this turned out to be a disaster. It had such interesting ingredients like Dijon mustard and Parmesan and hot sauce, and those twice-baked potatoes sounded so good, and it was a recipe on the FOOD NETWORK website! I thought that was pretty much a guaranteed combination right there, but no, just another waste of my time and money.

Things started out badly from the start. I was HUNGRY!!! I seriously feel like I have a tapeworm nowadays, because I am always starving. The chicken part of the recipe doesn't take very long, so I thought I could speed up the process a little by microwaving the potatoes. I couldn't wait the suggested ninety minutes for them. This was probably my first mistake. I don't know if twice-baked potatoes are a difficult food to make, but they are definitely impossible to make in the microwave. I would pull a potato out, and the skin would start coming off right away, which, in case you didn't know, ruins the whole twice-baked idea. I tried to salvage them, but the combination of the easily-removed skin and the potatoes not getting soft enough in the microwave drove me to my breaking point and I had to change my plan. Mashed potatoes anyone?

This wasn't much better. I enlisted Thomas to help me. I asked him to beat the mashed potatoes and the other ingredients, but Thomas is inexperienced with this type of kitchen equipment and he managed to spray potato particles and cheese everywhere before he figured out what to do. Eventually he thought he was done and left the kitchen area, at which point I commandeered the potatoes and finished them to my liking. My liking ended up including the addition of loads of chicken broth, margarine, and salt/pepper to the mixture, because the entire cup of sour cream and 1/2 cup of cheddar cheese did nothing for the flavor. Wasted effort, ingredients, AND calories. If it is going to make me gain weight I at least want to enjoy eating it. The turkey bacon was a nice addition, though.

The chicken was easy to cook and so was the dipping sauce, but I found out after tasting them that they were not worth even the minimal effort I put into them. They were coated in Dijon and Parmesan, which I couldn't even taste. And the "Tangy Tomato Dipping Sauce" was pretty much just boring old tomato sauce, so it didn't do much to spice up the plain chicken. Sigh. A lot of fuss for a very unexciting meal.

Review: Everydaymeals.com

2008-10-16T15:46:00.000-07:00

I found a very exciting and helpful website today called Everyday Meals.
Helpful features:

recipes
menus (they are preplanned for an entire month, three meals a day, and include sides for lunch and dinner)
shopping list generator allowing you to pick which meals you want to make and remove ingredients that you already have
you can add your own recipes to the site
you can create your own menus if you don't like theirs
provides cooking tips and money-saving ideas

Holy cow I am geeking out over this. The organizational features alone make the site worth visiting, so I can't wait to see if the recipes are any good. Here's the link in case anyone else thinks this might be helpful.

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

2008-10-11T14:11:00.001-07:00

This makes me think of BYU students.

(Click image for clearer viewing.)

Stealing is Fun!

2008-09-24T11:29:00.001-07:00

I got a letter from my bank the other day informing me I had overdrawn my account. How strange, I thought, I never use that account! Maybe this letter is old. Or maybe I used my debit card for that account on accident. I went to my account and found the overdraft came from a check. Luckily, banks now scan your checks and display them online, so I was able to see my check, written out for a meal I didn't eat, in handwriting that wasn't mine.

My checkbook had been stolen.

I was really in shock about the whole thing at first. How could this be happening? But it had happened...four times. Someone was having the time of their life on my dime. According to the comment boxes on the checks they used, they spent $36 at "Dominoz" (I can't believe how stupid they are, and yet they have still managed to outsmart me!) for a "party", $45 at Papa John's for their "B-Day" (Happy Birthday!!!!), and another $45 at Papa John's for a "Pizza Lunch." But petty theft isn't all fun and games. They also spent $70 at Steak Out for a "meeting." Climb that corporate ladder, thief! Fake it 'til you make it! Because I haven't been paying attention to that account (there was barely any money in it), I have allowed this spending spree to go on since May. I immediately froze the account to cut off the leech. Luckily, the whole situation can be remedied, but it is such a scary situation.

How did I not notice my missing checkbook, you may ask? Well, as far as we can tell, it all goes back to the missing Honeymoon bag. We're guessing that the bag that had all those important things in it contained one more thing that we forgot about. But why did they wait so long? Why are all the checks in different handwriting? And what happened to everything else? I'm sure I'll never find out, which drives me completely crazy. The moral of the story: We're getting LifeLock. I work too hard for what I have to have greedy little thieves sticking their hands in my pockets. That's all for now, but hopefully I'll be able to give you an update on all our positive news very soon.

Happy Conference Weekend!

I did it!

2008-09-02T18:51:00.000-07:00

I was way too excited so I went ahead and created my recipe blog. It is still very new, but go ahead and check it out:

http://realfamiliesrealfood.blogspot.com/

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

2008-09-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

School is starting again tomorrow. It is like a nasty recurring rash or a case of anti-biotic-resistant TB that flares up every September. I had a teacher in community college who would dress in full funeral gear--including a veiled hat--on the first day of school because she felt it was a time of mourning. I'm right with her. It's so depressing! Summer is dead and tomorrow morning I will be imprisoned once again by the evil English professors of BYU in the dreary dungeon that is the basement of the Joseph F. Smith building. They will not release me until four months from now when they turn me over to the public school system to serve out the rest of my sentence. The disgusting thing about the whole situation is that even after I graduate, my sentence won't be over. I will never escape school. NEVER!

Ok, I'm done being silly now. The real reason of this post is to discuss my ever-mounting frustration with dinner. Talk about a recurring rash! Every time I cook, the food I make tends to get eaten and the whole process starts all over again. But the thing that really gets me is the recipes. I never have enough of them. I feel like we eat the same things over and over again and it is nearly impossible to find new dinners to put into rotation. I try to find more recipes on the internet, but those usually

have too many ingredients
contain weird or expensive ingredients that I would only be able to use in that one recipe
take far too long or are too hard to make.

And with the internet there is also the fear that the person submitting the recipe is crazy and their instructions will only produce an inedible waste of time and money. I also have a problem in the whole side dishes arena. The problem is that I never make any. First of all, I feel like I'm exhausted by just making the entree, and second of all, the whole recipe dilemma rears its ugly head in this area as well.

So here is my proposal: I would like to start a recipe-sharing blog--or contribute to one if someone is looking to expand their own--that only contains recipes avoiding the three complaints I listed above. I think it would also be nice if every recipe contained a picture of the finished dish and, for those of you with my aforementioned problem--side dish suggestions along with their recipes. Oh, I also think it would be really nice if the recipes were all tagged at the bottom for easy searching. Something like this would really help me and I'm sure some of you would appreciate it as well. Let me know if you are interested!

Well, that's all for tonight. I hope to hear from you all soon!

Sigh...

2008-06-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

I'm having a gigantic case of senioritis at the moment. I guess since I never got it in high school, it is hitting me twice as hard now that I'm in college. I have only one more week of class left and suddenly a million projects to do. Where did they come from? I was peacefully coasting through Spring term and they have the nerve to ambush me during the last ten days! I blame my new job...and the fact that I have been going to school for about a year and a half straight. I've always been such a perfectionist, and I'm frankly shocked at the levels of apathy I've accomplished in the past month and a half. Doing homework takes all the willpower I have--which you can tell is not very much considering what I'm doing write (hilarious pun!!!!!! I didn't even do it on purpose!!!!!!) now. I'm currently in some fancy schmancy civil engineering computer lab with Thomas that allows you to work with two monitors side by side. The first monitor contains the paper I should be writing, and the one I'm actually using contains this blog post. It's spring fever I tell you! I can't even make myself be productive. But maybe--which is code for "definitely not"--this blog post will get the writing juices flowing so I will be primed to work on that assignment. That was so not a rationalization.

So, what have we been doing? Well, we fixed my car, which ended all of my adventures with public transportation as well as the fine art of bicycling. The air conditioning still doesn't work, but we'll focus on one problem at a time. The newest development is really my job. I now work as a mentor at a therapeutic boarding school. Basically, rich people send their kids to a place like this for treatment, and mentors such as myself watch them around the clock to make sure they don't run away or relapse or a variety of other various not-allowed activities. Yes, sometimes it is like a glorified babysitter for teenagers, but I really do like the girls that I mentor and it should be good experience for the teaching field. It has been a slight problem for school because they have me working weekends and it creates in me this thought process: "It's Friday/Saturday and I have to work! I need to kick back and I am not going to be doing any homework!" or: "It's a weekday and I worked ALL WEEKEND! I deserve a break; I can do homework later." Talk about a vicious cycle. I have managed to stay on top of my homework all semester and now, right at the end, I have no energy stores left. Ten more days! I don't know if I can make it! Sigh...

Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle...

2008-05-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

I could feel a blog post coming on as soon as I opened the door to leave for school today. My car is currently nonfunctional and Thomas works about a half hour from our apartment, so I've been having to get creative with my transportation lately. I was riding the bus, but it is kind of expensive and inconvenient, especially when I'm only going to school. Soooo, Thomas suggested I take his bike to campus, and today was going to be my inaugural ride. The weather has been pretty gloomy the past few days, but today it held until about 1:30--the exact time when I wanted to leave for school. I opened the door and it was raining! I went back inside and tried to figure out what to do. It was too late to take the bus, and walking would be worse than the bike, so I decided to stick to my original plan. This required some preparations. I decided to put a sweatshirt and sweatpants over my clothing so I would not wind up at school looking like a pitiful wet poodle. I also changed into ratty tennis shoes. Then I locked the door and left the apartment. I attempted to board the bicycle, but then I was forced to fish out my keys and go back inside for some pliers--Thomas' legs are much longer than mine. Eventually, I set out for school.

Things did not turn out as horribly as I expected them too. Luckily, the rain was not devastatingly heavy, so I didn't get very wet at all. I actually started to sweat from all the layers. I felt kind of dorky wearing a helmet, but the embarrassment was offset by the fact that it had a visor, which kept my face pleasantly dry. The only bad thing about the experience was walking my bike up the ridiculous hill to campus. Provo also has pretty crappy sidewalks, but I was fortunate enough to have a mountain bike. When I left class, the rain had stopped, so I didn't have to put all my extra layers back on, and the only obstacle was getting the bike back up to the third floor landing of our apartment. This was much, much easier than the BYU hill.

In other news, I am still looking for a job. I applied last week for the BYU Telefund, but I decided to respectively decline from consideration. First of all, the job is a glorified telemarketer, and the person interviewing my tried to make it sound like this noble and rewarding profession. Second, you'd think you were applying to a serious job with all the hoops they want people to jump through. The first step is to undertake a 15 minute phone interview, which I did. Then I quit at step two, because step two is basically an essay test begging for them to employ you. They sent me an interview packet that, among other things, included five essay questions! The first: What does the word philanthropy mean to you? Come on! The interview packet also instructs the applicant to review two LDS Philanthropy websites "because you may be asked to answer some questions about these sites in your interview." Too much! I probably would have actually gone through with all of that garbage, but the pay is terrible and I interviewed for a better job that I have a good feeling about. I just don't know who those people think they are. They need not be so selective, instead they need some incentive to encourage people to apply. Nobody is jumping at the chance to spend twenty hours a week begging strangers for money over the phone! But I guess to each his own. The job I want will make me learn restraining holds in case the teenagers I'll work with try to beat up on each other. Some people would find that phone thing preferable. Anyway, I'll let you know how it turns out.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and WOmen Often Go Awry

2008-05-12T13:00:00.000-07:00

Last week I attempted to make muffins for the very first time. I'm sure I've made muffins before at some point in my life, but it has been so long that anything I learned from the experience has escaped me by now.

Let's start at the beginning. I decided to make the muffins because we had two overly-ripe bananas that I didn't feel like eating, and I didn't want to buy a bread pan to make a banana loaf. I had heard, however, that one could make muffins without owning a muffin pan, so I saw an inexpensive--not to mention delicious--way for getting rid of the bananas. I was very confident. I have been experimenting a lot in the kitchen in the last four months, and I only remember one meal that didn't turn out properly. (It was pasta shells, just in case you were wondering, and I am going to conquer them eventually.) So I found the perfect recipe, bought the muffin cups-- which corroborated the claim that I didn't need a muffin pan to enjoy delicious banana muffins-- and I got to baking.

Things started off a little hairy. I didn't mash the bananas before I added them to the mixture, so I never managed to remove all the lumps completely. It also took me forever to get everything mixed up, probably because I was fixated on pulverizing the bananas. But still, I was confident. I finally filled the muffin cups, place them on a baking sheet, and sprinkled the delicious topping over them. I then watched Desperate Housewives (how fitting) while they baked. About halfway through the baking period I went to check on my masterpiece.

DISASTER! The muffins were revolting! Not having sufficient baking experience, I had underestimated the amount the muffins would rise, and they were overflowing onto the baking sheet! The sides of the muffin cups, without the aid of a muffin tin and not having enough strength to hold the excessive batter, were falling down towards the pan. Not ready to admit defeat, I stood in front of the open oven for quite a few minutes scooping the errant batter right back into the cups. I closed the oven and waited until the muffins were fully cooked. This was my result:

This picture doesn't make them look as truly pathetic as they really were, but it does show the remnants of muffin spillage all over the pan. You can also see the foil cup that had to be destroyed to extricate the muffin. (You can also also see our beautiful green stove, circa 1975.) On the bright side, they did taste amazing, even though they looked terrible. Kind of like this story seemed really interesting in my head, but is kind of lame now that I have blogged the whole thing. I was going to tell another story about my horrifying trip to the health center, but I think I will stop trying to make news out of the mundane...at least for today.

See you all next week!

For all you Twilight lovers...

2008-05-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day Twilight lovers! Just in case you missed it, the trailer for the movie-set to be released in December-has come out! Edward is played by the same actor that played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter 4. I'm not sure if he really fits the role. They style his hair all wild and, in my opinion, he looks like an anime character. I'm not a fan of the girl they picked for Bella, either. I thought they were going to cast the Series of Unfortunate Events girl! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBvOhfL4mYw

Are You Going to San Francisco...

2008-05-04T17:56:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends and Family!

We're attempting to repent of our non-blogging ways by finally posting something! Our lives aren't terribly exciting, but we invite you to read about them anyway. Let's get everyone updated on what we've been doing since our last post (8/17/07!):

Ummmm, so we got married.

Went to Mexico on our honeymoon. (We'll tell you more about it later)

Moved all of my stuff in to Thomas' apartment, and then moved a large portion of it back out to DI.

And attended Winter semester at BYU. (We'd rather not display a picture. It's too depressing)

So there you go. You now know everything about us, and we can move on to the present.

Thomas and I just finished our finals for Winter semester, and we were so exhausted that we decided to take a little trip to Thomas' family's home in Napa, California. We had a really nice, relaxing time--especially me because I didn't once have to cook dinner!--and it really recharged our batteries. We took some pictures on Thomas' brother's camera, and when we get them we'll add them to the post. Something really fun we did was take a day trip to San Francisco. It was a pretty interesting day. We walked around China town, and then people watched in Union Square. It just happened to be World Tai Chi day so they were having demonstrations and inviting people walking by to do Tai Chi with them. We decided to sit that one out. At the end of the demonstration they had these kids doing all these crazy karate jumps and flail fake swords around. The whole time all I could think of was a guy yelling "Mortal Kombat!" to some techno music. We also saw a died poodle--you'll really have to see that one--and some crazy stoner kids in capes hula hooping and imitating the Tai Chi people. We also stopped by Fisherman's Wharf to watch the sea lions and dropped by Berkeley to see the tree people. All in all, it was very entertaining.

Now we are back in Provo getting back into the daily grind. Thomas got a new job which starts tomorrow. We're really excited to see how it turns out. I'm also looking for a job and I have a couple of interviews this week. We're really looking forward to seeing everyone at Dr. Clint's graduation in a couple of weeks!

Like I said, we'll be giving you a few more updates on past events and post the San Francisco pictures when we get them. See you soon!

P.S.

We just wanted to say thank you once again for all the support we received for our wedding! We also appreciate all the kind and thoughtful gifts we received, and just because you haven't yet gotten a thank you card doesn't mean we appreciate it any less. Long story short, we just barely got our presents and we are working on them. Thank you all once again!

Hello Again!

2007-08-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

Under the influence of peer pressure I have decided to continue my blogging activities. But I'm not in Spain anymore, so this one will have to be about my new adventure, my upcoming wedding! I plan on giving everyone updates on how things are going and what we're doing, and hopefully that won't be too boring. I also hope you'll all excuse the name, but I couldn't resist, and I guess I can always change it if it gets to be too corny. I'll write again soon!
~Gianna~